How to write a card

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By John DeVries | February 7, 2008

People throw the phrase, “It’s the simple things in life” around very loosely. Yet, time and again I find myself returning to simplicity as a way to renew my sense of peace, joy, love and meaning. Most importantly though, I’ve found that the simple things you can do for others are not only often the best you can give them, but also some of the greatest sources of joy for yourself.

I truly believe a well written, heartfelt note or card is often a perfect gift. Whether your friend or acquaintance is sick, injured, happy, getting married, grieving, or even just in need of thanks, your sincere words in many cases are the best you can give. I truly believe each of us should be spending our lives giving of the best we have in ourselves. Don’t sacrifice for other people, they don’t want or need your pity. Instead, relish in the opportunity to give them the thing you have that is most valuable - you. That’s what a card is all about. It’s not a formality, a way to save face or a social requirement. It’s a chance for you to do something truly meaningful for someone else. I can assure you, your reader will be delighted that you actually took the time to write them a heartfelt, coherent message. And you’ll feel great about yourself for doing your best in the interest of another human being. So, let’s get to the good stuff.

How to really write a card

First, you need an attitude check. If you’re doing this because you know you have to, just stop. Don’t even waste your time. When I receive cookie-cutter wedding “thank yous” from friends or acquaintances to whom I’ve given gifts or attended receptions I’m never upset, disappointed, or angry that they didn’t invest the time to hand write a thank you note (some of these people have hundreds and hundreds of guests). But I can honestly say that I don’t feel particularly appreciated either. It’s kind of a moot point for me because I didn’t give them a gift because I wanted to be thanked, as far as I’m concerned they should just enjoy their stuff and forget about the card. I just want them to be happy. However, if the intention is for your reader to receive a message from you, be that of thanks, gratitude, consideration, prayer, etc… Then you had better invest some time in your message. Otherwise, you’re pretty much just wasting paper. And if you don’t have a giving attitude about your time investment, then it will quite readily show through in your words. So, write a card because you want to and because it’s worth your time, not because you have to. End of story.

As with any good writing, you need to consider your audience. Are you writing to a 6 year old, an 82 year old? What are their values? How will they be feeling when they actually read your message? Will they be happy, sad, contemplative, on the verge of tears, missing you? These are things you must consider. You don’t want to place too many depressing elements in a card meant to uplift someone who is grieving for the death of a spouse. Conversely, you don’t want to minimize or disregard the emotional pain their sure to be experiencing.

So, you need to think about your reader first. Then you can sit down and put together the words you actually want to say.

I don’t know what to say

Having writers block?

I’ve got a simple rule for you here.

Just tell the truth. Forget about what’s expected or socially appropriate, and just tell the person the truth. This requires you to look inside yourself and decide what it is you’re feeling about their situation. If it’s a thank you card and you love the gift, TELL THEM. Tell them why you like it, when you’ll use it, how you got it in the mail, explain how excited you were when you opened it. Describe how you’re really feeling and then thank them for that experience.

“What if I hate these stupid pajamas with the plastic bottomed feet sown in?”

I hated those too, and whoever designed those things and then gave them to kids on Christmas should be forced to wear one for a day in the mall. I didn’t want pajamas at 9 years old; I wanted GI Joes, Legos, toy guns, or a Game Boy - anything but clothes. Not to mention those stupid suits meant basically sleeping inside of a cotton, sweat soaked, non-permeable straight jacket. But, I digress.

If you hate the gift someone gave you, you have two basic options while still telling the truth. You can thank them for thinking of you and tell them how much it means to you that they remembered you, or, if they’re jerks and you know they just sent the gift as a formality, don’t reply. I’m not suggesting you should be malicious, rude, or inconsiderate. But I also believe we should live with as much integrity as we can muster. If you’re not thankful, don’t lie about it.

Nonetheless, let’s be honest, we hated the pajamas, but giving grandma a hug anyway wasn’t evil or dishonest. You still loved her, even if she was totally out of touch with reality. Aren’t we all on occasion?

Writing cards under awkward circumstances

Sometimes you have to write a card to someone you haven’t spoken to for some time, a friend who has a problem, someone you hurt, or maybe even a dying individual. These are difficult topics to address because they are difficult parts of our human condition. Ultimately, these subjects are just going to take more of your time, effort and thoughtfulness. Don’t make the mistake of not addressing these situations though. Ignoring a problem never makes it go away. Often a message from you is exactly what this person needs. Then again, your words may fall on deaf ears. But there’s no harm in trying.

Also, keep in mind that words coming out of your mouth, and in person, tend to communicate better than a card. If the situation is very touchy or difficult, perhaps it’s best for you to just go have a conversation. However there are certainly circumstances where that may not be appropriate or feasible.

Grammar

I’m not the king of grammar. I put commas in the wrong place, use the wrong words, and miss-spell things all the time. Lighten up. Your words are important, how they’re put together isn’t necessarily that big of a deal. Don’t, not send a card because you’re afraid of your grammar skills. You can always have a friend or relative read it over before you pop it in the mail. You do want to deliver the best, most grammatically correct message you can, but if you’re anxious about it, it’s probably not as big of a deal as you think.

I like to write out my thank you cards in Microsoft Word before I hand write them in a card. This catches any stupid spelling mistakes and allows me to easily put my thoughts together in a way that can be edited quickly. Once I’ve got the message the way I want it I can then write it on a card. This also helps a bit with grammar if that’s something you need.

E-Cards

Honestly, it’s nice to get a hand written card in the mail. It says you care. However, e-cards can be useful as well, especially if you’re late and you didn’t have time to send one by mail. I tend not to use them much because the message length is extremely limited. I like to write at least a paragraph or two. If I don’t have that much to write, I usually don’t bother sending them a card.

Final thoughts

When you sit down to write someone consider what it is that you would want to hear in their situation. It doesn’t matter if they’re happy, sad, frustrated, dying, or angry. As long as you take the time to empathize with them in your card, your message will do the trick. Ultimately, you should be writing to make someone feel better, appreciated, understood, and most of all loved. I’m not talking about romantic love, just brotherly love. Show another person they matter to you by taking the time to write them. You’ll not only brighten their day, but you’ll give yourself a feeling of accomplishment and joy as well.

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