How to stop feeling bad

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By John DeVries | March 19, 2008

Your emotions are physical manifestations of your thoughts. This is why you feel them within your body. How you feel emotionally reflects quite perfectly how you’re thinking. This is why we often have a difficult time describing what we think about a situation vs. what we feel about it. In reality, the two are synonymous. They are simply two different reflections of the same thing. If you’re having a battle between what you think and what you feel, listen to the feelings. They may not accurately reflect reality or truth, but they will tell you quite accurately what you truly think about something.

But what I want to talk about today is how you can more effectively manage your emotions. Even more specifically, how you can manage the bad or unpleasant ones.

Emotions are real, and when you’re experiencing painful ones they can be just as potent and difficult to manage as physical pain. Actually, I would say they are a form of physical pain. However, you don’t have to suffer through them for days, weeks, or even years on end. Though therapy and medication are used liberally to help people deal with their emotional problems, I’m not alone in the belief that those methods should be reserved for the most severe cases.

Here are a few helpful tips to keep you from feeling bad.

1. Stop identifying with your thoughts.

Your mind is a tool. It is not you. Unfortunately, most of us have been adopting our thoughts, beliefs, opinions, and feelings about the past as our identity. What this means is that when your thoughts create unpleasant emotions, as they invariably will, you identify with those emotions. You will become them. Instead of watching the pain, observing it, and letting it pass. You become the pain. It gains a life and momentum of its own; and before you know it, it rolls right over you and controls you.

When you say things like: I am angry. I am hurt. I am frustrated. I am heartbroken. I am worried. I am anxious. You’re making a huge, but very normal, unconscious miscalculation.

No, you’re not those things. Your body is feeling those emotions as a result of your thoughts. And your mind is producing those thoughts mostly because you haven’t been paying attention to what you’re thinking. You, like me, have put your thoughts and emotions on autopilot, identified yourself with them, then became the pain when it arose. You don’t have to do this!

You are consciousness. You are awareness. You are a human being, not a human thinking. You are not your thoughts.

Use your mind when a situation calls for it. It is an excellent problem solver, sorter of information, and planner. However, it is not good at being, interpreting or running your life. That’s your job, and you are more than your mind and the ego it creates.

“Death is the stripping away of all that is not you” Eckhart Tolle

When you die you will lose your mind. Thus, it is not you. It is simply a part of your physical manifestation as a human being. Don’t become your mind and your ego. Instead, be conscious of them. When you observe your thoughts and emotions instead of identifying with them, you’ll gain a whole knew level of peace and understanding. You’ll watch thoughts and feelings come up, you’ll see them fade, and you’ll soon find that your mind and the emotions it produces are often irrational and unnecessary.

Read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. This book created a powerful shift in how I viewed my emotions and my problems.

2. Stop projecting yourself into the future.

The only state you will experience any point of your life is in the present. When you imagine, plan or worry about the future, you’re projecting your consciousness into something that doesn’t even exist yet. And when it does exist, it will exist as the present. You can’t control the future. And though I don’t advocate you make decisions regardless of their potential consequences, for the most part, the future will take care of itself.

When you imagine the future, one of two things will usually happen. Either you will feel excited about the prospect of something better, or you will feel worried and anxious about what bad situations may occur. But what’s the point? Neither of them are real. How do either of these thoughts and emotions serve you. The truth is, they don’t. You’re simply projecting yourself into an unknown future which often produces emotional discomfort for no particular reason.

Worse yet, you’re missing out on the only moment you will ever have. You’re missing out on right now. By placing your focus on the future you severely over-dramatize your problems and difficulties. Let them go. Stay here, where you are, in this moment. It is the only moment that will ever exist, and thus, it is the best moment.

3. Stop reliving the past.

The past is nothing more than what you remember it to be. And what you remember probably isn’t even all that accurate. When you go back and relive what has already happened you open the doorway for grief, sadness, regret and longing.

Whatever existed in your past does not exist anymore. You do not have now what you had then. Going back and reliving it is a refusal to accept the present moment. And as long as you refuse to accept the present moment you will endure more emotional pain. Refusing the truth, reality, and the present is always more painful than accepting it.

Don’t beat yourself up if this is difficult to do. I struggle with this on a daily basis. My mind tends to wander back to what has happened in my past almost daily. Yet, as I watch it I see that I profit nothing from these relapses. Once you’ve learned what you needed to from the past, the rest is just pointless ruminating. Let it go, you’ll be better for it.

4. Watch your thoughts and emotions.

As I’ve already discussed, the best way to stay in the present moment (to stay in your life) is to simply watch your thoughts and emotions. It is difficult at first. You will notice that your mind spends most of its time wandering from what has happened to what will happen. Give it time, you will soon have more control over this process if you pay attention to those thoughts.

I’ve found that when I’m feeling negative it reminds me to start watching both that negativity, and the thoughts that are producing it. I know this process sounds too simple to be effective, but it really has helped me deal with some incredibly difficult emotional states. It may be simple, but it is definitely not easy. However, it most certainly is powerful.

Much of our lives are spent refusing reality and the truth

It seems most people have some level of aversion to life the way it is right now. I think this is a result of us identifying with our external circumstances and internal mental chaos. If instead, you choose to accept both of those things as transitory and you don’t identify yourself with them, you will find a much more lasting and sustainable peace.

Though I’ve touched on this state for brief moments myself, I certainly can’t say that this is how I live all the time. It’s almost as if you’re meditating 24/7 and it’s incredibly difficult. I recommend you first attempt it while you’re along, driving, sitting, watching tv, etc… Obviously you don’t want to lose focus on what you’re doing, specially if you’re driving, but those tasks don’t require 100% of your attention. You can still be conscious of what you’re thinking and feeling.

Once again I really want to recommend Eckhart Tolle’s book, The Power of Now. It wasn’t just an excellent read, it was life changing. I think that if you enter it with an open mind, it will have the power to transform your life and your emotional problems as well.

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