How to make lasting changes in life

By John DeVries | May 12, 2008

Today I want to talk about lasting change. Change is obviously a large part of self-improvement. Improving your circumstances or making your life better will require both internal and external changes. Yet, positive change can be elusive. It is often easy to know what we want, but much more difficult to make the changes that are necessary to get there. Though there are countless reasons why we may not do the things we want to do in life, one of the most significant is our outlook.

The reality is that lasting results require lasting change.

Why the end shouldn’t be the goal

When people set out to do things like - lose weight, find a new partner, start a new business, or get a degree, they often do so with the mindset that taking certain actions will result in a desirable final result. While this approach does work to some degree, we’re often disillusioned when the weight comes back on, when that new relationship turns south, or when the college degree wasn’t quite what we thought it was.

In truth, if a result is the end in and of itself, it’s likely you’ll make changes to your life only long enough to get that result. You’ll eat right and exercise long enough to look the way you want. You’ll educate yourself and study enough to get that degree. Or, you’ll treat your partner well as long as they are fulfilling the role you slotted them for. If you haven’t made the commitment to change your thoughts, your state of mind, your actions and your life; your results, while temporarily pleasing, will leave you dissatisfied and void of lasting change.

Lasting change is difficult

But, making changes that yield life long results are difficult to make. This is why we often face the same dragons week after week, month after month and year after year. Sometimes we struggle against our own vices for decades on end. It doesn’t have to be this way.

First you need to realize that with any goal, the final result shouldn’t necessarily be your focus. For example, if your goal is to lose 20 lbs and you focus on the weight, you may starve yourself, eat poorly and abuse your body for a few months to make it to your goal. Afterward, it’s likely you’ll eventually gain the weight back. The motivation was real, but the change was temporary.

If instead your focus is to live a healthy life style for the rest of your life, you can put your energy into all the small steps that need to happen along the way to your side goal of losing weight. 20 lbs of weight loss will simply be a benefit to how great you feel eating right, exercising regularly, and feeling mentally and emotionally healthy and vibrant again. It may take you a year to lose that weight, but 10 years from now it will still be gone and you’ll be a different person. But, making lifestyle changes are difficult. We want fast results and quick solutions. But, that’s rarely how life works. The key is to learn to enjoy the journey along the way, if you fail to do this, then you aren’t really living your life; you’re just in a perpetual state of waiting and wanting.

How to make real and lasting changes

Changes need to be implemented slowly. If you want to eventually drink 80 ounces of water a day, but currently drink 12, start out by drinking 20oz for a few days, then up it to 30oz. After a week or two you can do 50oz, etc… If you simply start downing the water each day you may soon tire of the behavior. You won’t be use to urinating more, your stomach will feel full and distended all the time, and it’s likely you’ll begin to hate it. Plus, if you make it to 80oz for two days and then fail for a few days, you’ll feel like you can’t do it because you don’t have all the small victories behind you.

I experienced this recently while training for my first 8k. I went from running one mile with great difficulty to running four miles with significantly less difficulty in only 3 weeks. However, the increase was simply too fast and it took another 3 weeks just get to where I could run 5 miles. I developed shin splints, got sick of exercising twice a day EVERY day, and now I have to take a month off running completely to let my shins heal so I can start training again. Had I progressed more slowly, I would be able to continue running and my progress in 2 months would be much better than it will be now.

You can apply this to any part of your life: Choose not to do that ONE thing that irritates your partner; walk just a half mile every day; meditate for just 5 minutes once a week, etc…

Life is an adventure

It’s important to have goals, but don’t live your life waiting to arrive. Part of what makes true and lasting change enjoyable is appreciating all the small victories and difficulties along the way. If you make small and significant improvements to any area of your life over the course of time, the achievement of your goals will simply be a byproduct of the wonderful life you’re building. Don’t buy into the mindset that you have to have it all and do it all right now. Experience the quality of your life by being here, right now. Take the first step towards your goal and do it with your full attention and enjoyment, make it a habit, a part of your daily routine. You can then build off each accomplishment and before you know it, you’ll have your dream. But most importantly, you’ll have actually been present for the ride there.

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